By beverley wilson
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March 1, 2017
For the UK’s thousands of year 6ers and their families, today is the day that you find out which secondary school your child will attend in September. Transition to secondary school is one of the many milestones and rites of passage that your child will experience before they reach adulthood. Along with sitting exams, learning to drive, voting for the first time this milestone is one which people often remember well into their later years. For many, you have received the school of your dreams – your first preference and often the one you had set your heart on, sometimes for years. However, there will be a number of parents who have received ‘bad news’ as they have either not been allocated a school of their choice or have been allocated one which they didn’t really want. If you are one of the disappointed parents my first piece of advice is breath………. Remember, decisions on secondary school allocation are not a reflection of your child personally and no matter how difficult it is to fathom – should not be seen as rejection. We have supported many hundreds of parents over the years many of whom cried enough to fill buckets when they got their letters. Others whose anger, if frozen would have created icebergs the size of a nation. I say this because I was one of those parents years ago and know firsthand that the sense of disappointment made me feel almost physically sick then numb because like any parent I desire the best for my child and believed this had been cruelly denied. However, there is hope and things change. If you are one of the parents that did not get allocated your preference here are my BREATH top tips to help you make sense of what for many is the admissions mind field. 1. Breath - Take some time to process what has happened. Things change – not all places allocated are taken up in September. People move area etc and spaces can become available. 2. Reassure - Try to reassure yourself that things will work out. Reassure your child that this is not the end of the line. We do not always get what we want, sometimes when we settle for what we think is second best – in the end it works out to be the best thing that could ever have happened. 3. Evaluate - Think about the school that you have been offered, with an open mind. Remember that all children are different and your friends, family members or communities experience with a particular school will be very different from yours. All too often people form opinions on a school based not on personal experience but the words of others. Go and have a look at what you have been offered with 1 question in mind “Could my child get on here?” Remember that this will be the place where your child will potentially spend the next 5 years. Also think about your options, are there schools that you did not consider that now seem like a good alternative. Broaden your thinking – you can stay on the waiting lists for schools and you can apply to schools you had not considered before – that is your right. It is also your right to lodge an appeal against a decision not to offer you a school. If you chose this route you will need to think realistically about the appeals process and in what circumstances appeals are successful. A starting point for looking into this is ACE – Advisory http://www.ace-ed.org.uk/ 4. Action - Accept the school you have been offered as a safety net. Unless there is something life threatening that means your child cannot attend the school which they have been allocated accept the space. This does not mean that your child will definitely be attending there in September but it does mean that you have a backup plan. Accepting a space does not mean you cannot apply for other schools or appeal for other schools. Accepting the space cannot be used against you if you approach another school. Take the necessary action to change the situation, this includes working to change your perception of the school offered – just in case. Try to make a list of at least 5 positive things about the school allocated that may include distance from home. This will make you feel more at ease and definitely help your child to come to terms with the present situation. 5. Time – Organise your time. Time manage your actions. Ensure you are clear about the deadlines for accepting a place, waiting lists and appeals? Make sure you leave time to collate any information or documents needed. This could mean having to get hold of proof of address etc and this can take time – factor this in. 6. Help – Get support and advice Seek help and advice from people who can explain and guide you through the admissions and appeals system in a calm, objective and down to earth manner. If you or anyone you know needs support with any of this please contact us here at Empowerment Focused. If you email us we will call you back, alternatively call us at the numbers listed http://www.empowermentfocused.org/contact . We offer up to 30 minutes free advice – and reassurance. We are trained advisers with decades of experience in this field; we have a human, down to earth approach. But most importantly BREATH – there really are worse things happening in the world.